I Am Enough

Mindful parenting begins with cultivating our own sense of self-worth



If you’re reading this article, you’re good enough.

Some of us grow up thinking success will come to us if we acquire specific things, such as good grades (if we are students, or parents of students); an impressive title; or a certain type of house. And that’s OK if we don’t lose our sense of who we are to external rewards, thinking, “If things look a certain way, that’s what matters.” When we focus on being good enough on the outside, we can unconsciously prolong the search for self-love and reside in self-loathing. Nothing we buy or use can get us to self-love; it’s simply knowing and feeling that we’re already good enough, because we were born that way. But I get it: “Being good enough for you” sometimes doesn’t sound like enough.

Take technology, for example. Social media, if not managed, can allow us to develop the disease of codependency. Each hit on our social media page or posts releases “feel good” hormones that can be addictive. Like alcohol or opioids, they take away that “not good enough” feeling. That’s what drugs are supposed to do—take the pain away. If I were a child today, trying to perform (in school, in sports, in college applications) without a true sense of my own worth or adequate coping skills, I would want that pain to go away too. That’s why some of us turn to certain substances or behaviors—so we don’t have to feel “not good enough.” In my opinion, the larger problem is not the substance or behavior we pick up, but what motivated us to pick it up in the first place.

As parents, if we’re not careful, we can give our children the “I’m not enough” disease. Here’s how it happens: If I’m a parent who doesn’t feel good enough myself, I might use my children as a way to “self-medicate,” to relieve my own sense of inadequacy. I might micromanage their time and activities so much that I take away their ability to make decisions for themselves. I don’t allow them to learn valuable lessons because I don’t want to feel the uncomfortable feelings associated with their decisions and behaviors that go along with making mistakes. That’s because I think what they do and how they do it is a reflection of me. I prevent them from establishing their own sense of self-worth, instead telling them, in essence, “You’re not good enough to make decisions yourself, so I’ll do it.”

If we’re not careful, we can grow the disease of perfection, the addiction to codependency (searching outside ourselves to feel better because we don’t like how we feel on the inside). We teach this to our children when we take away their ability to trust and rely upon themselves. We know today that this mental/emotional state also causes our bodies to become physically sick as well. 

The good news is that we can also have the opposite effect on our children through mindful living and parenting. I had to take a close look at my own codependent traits (like worrying about what people thought of me, and micromanaging my child’s life) so I could reclaim my lost self. When we no longer abandon ourselves and we know our worth, our bodies gain a vitality and clarity that can reduce or even eliminate physical, emotional and spiritual disease.

Allison Murphy, MEd, a licensed health and science educator, health coach and yoga practitioner, lives in Carmel, NY. For more info, contact her at 845.674.3533 or findingbalancetogether@gmail.com.

Edit ModuleShow Tags

News Briefs

Equilibrium Studio Opens in Pawling

Equilibrium Studio Opens in Pawling

Equilibrium offers yoga, Pilates and Barre, as well as stretching and strengthening classes designed to help people rehabilitate from injuries and improve their athletic performance.
Dance the Weekend Away in Saratoga

Dance the Weekend Away in Saratoga

February 15 through 17
Natural Remedies Can Boost Immunity in Winter

Natural Remedies Can Boost Immunity in Winter

There is scientific evidence that acupuncture has a positive effect on the immune system.
Facial Massage Has Holistic Benefits

Facial Massage Has Holistic Benefits

“A well-performed facial massage is a glorious treat that will reduce puffiness, improve skin tone and enrich complexion."
Opioid Crisis Focus in Somers

Opioid Crisis Focus in Somers

1 to 3 p.m. February 7
‘Grandfather of Integrative Dermatology’ to Teach His Methods

‘Grandfather of Integrative Dermatology’ to Teach His Methods

“I encourage anyone living with unsolved chronic skin conditions to make an appointment and see how we can help you.”
Valerie Nivar Offers Natural Solutions for ‘Invisible Illnesses’

Valerie Nivar Offers Natural Solutions for ‘Invisible Illnesses’

“I am passionate about empowering my clients to achieve motivation and confidence and to live their best life.”
Sugaring Program at Sugar Hill Farm

Sugaring Program at Sugar Hill Farm

February 23
Holistic Chamber of Commerce Adds Poughkeepsie Chapter

Holistic Chamber of Commerce Adds Poughkeepsie Chapter

The new chapter will promote and support holistic and sustainable professionals and business owners in the Hudson Valley.
Synchronicity Brings Healing through Psychic Readings

Synchronicity Brings Healing through Psychic Readings

“These readings help offer guidance and insight into life situations.”
Microdermabrasion Now Offered by Daniela Hortencio

Microdermabrasion Now Offered by Daniela Hortencio

“It’s basically an exfoliation and skin rejuvenation procedure that leaves skin looking softer and brighter.”
Alternatives to Violence Project Seeking Workshop Facilitators

Alternatives to Violence Project Seeking Workshop Facilitators

The next Basic workshop in Westchester will take place March 8 to 10.
Quit with Quinn Introduces Free Info Sessions

Quit with Quinn Introduces Free Info Sessions

Quit with Quinn specializes in helping people quit drinking, smoking, eating sugar, using drugs or overeating, or overcome behavioral blockages.
Program Helps Seniors Conquer Fear of Falling

Program Helps Seniors Conquer Fear of Falling

Classes meet from 1 to 3 p.m. on Wednesdays and Fridays. The next session begins March 6
March Retreat Focuses on Mastering Personal Energy

March Retreat Focuses on Mastering Personal Energy

March 8 through 10
Self-Care Retreat for Women at Balance Wellness Studio

Self-Care Retreat for Women at Balance Wellness Studio

9:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. on February 17
Stronger Together Solidarity Fair in New Rochelle

Stronger Together Solidarity Fair in New Rochelle

9:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. on February 3
Renovated Pellegrino Healing Center Opens in Hyde Park

Renovated Pellegrino Healing Center Opens in Hyde Park

"We tailor our services to each individual and create a safe and restorative space for healing.”
Stony Kill’s Winter on the Farm

Stony Kill’s Winter on the Farm

11 a.m. to 2 p.m. on February 16
Autism's Gut-Brain Axis

Autism's Gut-Brain Axis

A Promising Approach to Healing
Universal Healing Arts Touching Lives in Cortlandt Manor

Universal Healing Arts Touching Lives in Cortlandt Manor

"The staff heals on a physical, mental and spiritual level."
Indigo Helm—‘More Than Yoga’—Opens in Cortlandt Manor

Indigo Helm—‘More Than Yoga’—Opens in Cortlandt Manor

"This is a discovery place! Drop-ins are welcome."
Fluoride Dangers Focus of Holistic Moms Meeting

Fluoride Dangers Focus of Holistic Moms Meeting

7:30 p.m., December 6
Voice Empowerment Workshop with Ronni Sarrett Lederman

Voice Empowerment Workshop with Ronni Sarrett Lederman

1 to 4 p.m., December 2
SearchLight Medical Featured on Comcast Cable Show

SearchLight Medical Featured on Comcast Cable Show

Laurie Mallis, M.D., a licensed acupuncturist, discusses and demonstrates AcuGraph Qi Analysis and Auricular (ear) Acupuncture
Flawless Skin Is a Popular Holiday Treat

Flawless Skin Is a Popular Holiday Treat

Through December, all clients will receive a free gift of anti-aging serum.
Holistic Health and Wellness Series in Beacon

Holistic Health and Wellness Series in Beacon

“Each workshop will focus on the most important information for you to make positive changes in your life."
Weekly Qigong Classes in Two Dutchess Locations

Weekly Qigong Classes in Two Dutchess Locations

“No experience is necessary—your practice is based upon never exceeding your own capacity.”